Lie To Her

I wanted Lori to be told the truth by the one that took Shane’s life away. I wanted her to be angry in front of him and showed him that she really did love Shane. I wanted to embarrass her and for her to distrust me.

I took a deep, calming breath before speaking.

“We were looking for Randall but couldn’t find him, so we decided it was time to go back to see if Daryl and Glenn had found him. We were on our way back when the herd of walkers snuck up on us. Shane was taking up the rear and—” I broke off, remembering Shane falling to the ground, remembering Rick hovering over him, remembering his eyes closing as he died…

I turned away from her and leaned up against the wall, hanging my head in between my knees. I couldn’t hold it back, my back heaved up and down as I silently sobbed. I didn’t look back up; letting everyone see me breaking down would prove I was meant to be here. But I knew I wasn’t.

I breathed deeply through my nose, trying to muffle the sound of my sobbing. I quickly wiped away my tears before looking back up and continuing.

“They got him. He told us to keep going, not to look back. I can still hear him screaming…” I shut my eyes, squeezing them tight. I heard his yell as he stumbled back and fell to the ground. I heard Rick screaming “how could you do this, brother?!”

The whole room was silent; everyone was listening to my made-up story, even Carl who had been there. These women would never know that the guy they thought was their leader had murdered the guy who should’ve been.

I raised my head up and peered over at Lori. She had her eyes closed and tears were running down her face. She opened them and glanced at me.

“I’m… sorry.” She whispered.

I pierced her with a sharp glare and stood up quickly, moving back to my chair to get away from her.

“But Lin… that’s not what—”

Thankfully, Carl was cut short when we heard the first gunshot from upstairs. The entire room tensed. Nobody moved. We just stared at the ceiling as if we could see through it; as if we were watching the ones we knew and loved fight the undead. The lightbulb started to swing again, casting distorted shadows across the walls and floor.

Carl ran over to his mother and climbed into her arms. They were both crying now. I crossed my legs and leaned forward on my right elbow. I placed my forehead in my hand and rubbed my temples, trying to get rid of the newly formed headache Lori had so generously given to me.

The night carried on for what seemed like hours. The loud bangs and faint moaning from upstairs lingered on and on. Lori and Carl had moved back to their chairs. Still, nobody talked.

I was really upset with the choice I had made. If I were up there, I’d be helping out. I’d be defending our new home. I could’ve even saved someone’s life. Instead, I was stuck down here, forced to listen to it all. Forced to watch these women cry and feel hopeless. Forced to talk to Lori when all I wanted to do was punch her lights out. And if I died down here, not doing anything, that would be a disgrace to all the victims of the virus who had died fighting and it would be a disgrace to Shane if he knew I wasn’t trying my hardest to survive.

A thought crossed my mind and I asked to anyone who’d listen, “Do we have any weapons down here? In case… ya know, something gets down here?”

All the girls looked at me, now with a different kind of fear upon their faces.

“Ummm, I—I’m not sure. My dad might’ve kept some weapons down here…” Maggie quickly stood up and went to examine the crowded shelves.

“R-Rick gave me this.” Lori walked over to me and took out a small revolver from her jeans.

“Smart of him.” I muttered, but didn’t take it.

“All I found was a sledgehammer and a hatchet.” Maggie held up the two melee weapons and I took them both.

“I’ll put them here in case we need them.” I said leaning the sledgehammer against the couch and the hatchet against my chair.

“Okay, that sounds good and I can—” Lori cut herself off as she looked at where she had been sitting. Carl wasn’t there anymore.

“C-Carl? Carl! Where’d you go, baby boy? Carl!!! You come out right this minute!” her voice wavered. She peered over the chair and behind the couch in a frenzy.

I almost snickered, thinking about how many times he’d run off and she hadn’t noticed until the last second. I stood near my chair with my arms crossed, watching her freak out. She turned towards the stairs and had to muffle a scream.

“OH MY GOD, HE LEFT!” she yelled and tried to run up the stairs, but Carol held her back.

“No, you can’t go up there, let someone else!” she sounded like she was about to cry.

“What are you talking about, let someone else? He’s my son!”

“I know but if anything happened to both Carl and you, Rick couldn’t live with himself.”

“Oh, so you’re saying that if one of us dies trying to get him then Rick won’t give a shit because he’s got Lori?” I laughed in disbelief, “Wow.”

“That’s not what I meant!” Carol snapped at me.

“Someone go get him, NOW!” Lori had stopped fighting off Carol and looked around the room at us. Lori turned her head sharply towards me.

“Lin… I know you have experience with guns... I heard you mention it to Daryl once. Can you please take this and find him?” she was in tears as she offered me her gun.

I sighed, trying to make a quick decision. Did I want to…

Go Get Carl

Let Someone Else Find Him